Can you love someone more than yourself?
- joannaosyka
- Jul 16
- 3 min read
This question came to me unexpectedly.
It emerged in the space around me — like a whisper that suddenly echoes with full force. My first response — quick and impulsive — was:“No. That’s impossible.”
But then... came the silence. And with it — a deeper understanding.Because yes, sadly, you can. And that’s exactly why so many people suffer.
Why do we forget about self-love?
You can love another person more than you love yourself.Why?Because no one ever teaches us how to love ourselves.We grow up in a world that teaches us how to give — but not how to be with ourselves.We’re told to be polite, helpful, perfect. To earn love, to fit in, not to cause trouble.
No one says:"You are enough, even when you’re doing nothing.""You are loved, even when you fall short.""You have the right to yourself — to your feelings, your path, your truth."
Attachment psychology & our inner voids
Many people have never truly experienced what it feels like to be unconditionally loved. So they spend their whole lives looking for love outside of themselves.Just a taste of it.
But what they call “love” is often just the echo of absence.A longing for warmth, for safety, for recognition.For what was missing in childhood.
Attachment theory explains this clearly:If we didn’t form secure bonds as children,we grow into adults who chase after substitutes —often in people who reflect what we already know,even if what we know was never truly safe.
Loving from lack is not the same as loving from wholeness
And then something painful happens:We begin to love from emptiness, not fullness.We cross our boundaries.We abandon ourselves.We enter emotional overdraft —and it slowly chips away at us.
Because truthfully...You cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give someone more love than you hold within.And if you're empty inside — you’ll look for fullness in another.That’s when it becomes dangerously easy to confuse intensity with depth.
Real love doesn’t hurt
Love isn’t supposed to hurt. It’s not meant to break you. It shouldn’t be fuelled by fear or dependency.
Spiritual traditions have known this for centuries.And modern psychology confirms it.
Self-compassion: learning to be kind to yourself
Psychologist Kristin Neff introduced the concept of self-compassion — the art of being gentle with yourself.Her research is clear:🧡 People who love themselves unconditionally build healthier relationships.🧡 They manage their emotions more effectively.🧡 They don’t need to earn love —because they already are the source of it.
Love begins with you
True love begins with the quiet recognition:I exist.I am worthy.I am enough just as I am.
It begins with a soft gaze inward.With the decision that you will no longer abandon yourself.That you won’t seek your worth in someone else’s eyes.
Because when you finally love yourself — truly and deeply —only then can you love another person from a place of wholeness, not hunger.And love becomes what it was always meant to be:Presence. Choice. Space.
In summary:
💛 Yes, you can love someone more than yourself — but that’s not healthy love.
💛 It’s a sign to pause… and come back to your source — to yourself.
💛 You don’t need to earn love — your very being is enough.
🌿 Pause for a moment…
Do you love yourself the way you love others?
Or is it time to gently return to yourself — with kindness, truth, and tenderness?
If this message resonates, leave a heart, a comment, or share it with someone who may need it. And if you’re ready to begin the journey back to yourself, visit the 1:1 Sessions section. I'll help you reconnect with the place that may have been calling for your attention all along:You.
Joanna
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